I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
