we have pet lesbian snakes
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
