today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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