New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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