im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize