i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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