I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
