make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
