help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
