I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
