I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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