i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sext me about skeletons
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
