margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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