God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
