There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
