Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When did angry sex become our thing?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
