explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
