You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
