Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize