Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
