My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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