Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
