I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
