I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
