I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He kissed a someone with a penis
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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