this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
