This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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