Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize