I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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