So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I deserve this hangover.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
