So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it because I queefed?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
