D3 body, D1 cock
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
