Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So apparently I’m into choking now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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