wat bout pragnant strippers??
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
