Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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