I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk is not a location!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
