im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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