so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
