I am puke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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