Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
