So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
