Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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