I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize