A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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