help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
