I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
