my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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