just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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