No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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