3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
