Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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