It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
