So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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