mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
