It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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