I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
