Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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