..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to calm my uterus...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
