Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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