I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
