i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
