i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
