Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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