What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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