The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize