All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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