Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
