Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
