I'm gonna have a badass scar
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
