Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
