i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
