That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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