A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i jhust puked up my retainher.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
