Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
