I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dignity is for republicans.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
