RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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