genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Couch. On fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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