We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
