She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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