i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
