I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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