capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
