You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
