No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
