i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
