At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
