after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
