My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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