never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
