Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
