When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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