She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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