It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
