Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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